The Top 10 Ways to Close Your In-Plant

By John Sarantakos posted 10-21-2015 14:47

Dave Letterman has been off the air for a few months now. So I feel comfortable stealing his shtick.

As managers, our top priority is to keep our folks employed and our parent companies happy. Everything we do falls under those two ideas. So a person looking in our windows might think it is a simple thing to accomplish. As the old coach Lee Corso says, “Not so fast, my friend.”

Since I am swiping ideas and catch phrases from all corners, I will give you my Top Ten ways to ensure your in-plant closes.


#10- Take at least 5 days to respond to customer calls.

#9- Print your corporate colors one PMS shade up or down. Change this practice up weekly.

#8- Keep all data private. Like Jim Carey as the Grinch said, “Solve world hunger, tell no one.”

#7- When called to ask if a job has been delivered, respond by asking them to look on their loading dock. If the job is there, then yes. If not, then no.

#6- Encourage your staff to take two martini lunches.

#5- Buy only devices that you do not need and cannot afford.

#4- Regularly schedule meetings with FM groups. Call them informational round tables. Note: Make sure your boss is invited and be sure to forget to invite yourself.

#3- When billing during a slow month, randomly add zeros.

#2- Charge a Buck a pop for black and white copies.

And the number 1 way to close your In-Plant is……………………..

Openly refer to your President, CEO, or your Board of Directors as “old tight ass.”

I feel pretty confident, that by following these simple, but effective methods, you can easily accomplish a swift and sudden closing. Your staff and customers will probably thank you.